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The Stories We Tell Ourselves

By cancer, storytelling

Last week, I discovered just what the storied chemotherapy side-effect called “chemo-brain” feels like.

Stupid. On the short bus. Intellectually disabled. Whatever you call it, it sucks.

Now that I’m emerging from the fog, I find myself reflecting on the stories we tell ourselves – the internal monologue of our lives, if you will. The stories that we carry with us wherever we go, whatever we do, and that truly define us – no matter what stories we tell to mask what we’re telling ourselves.

We all have our “stuff” – those pieces and parts of ourselves that we reallyreally don’t want anyone else to see, the “stuff” that holds our darkest selves. Most people manage their “stuff” well enough, only giving their most intimate circle any glimpse of darkness in their inner story.

Look around, and find the happy people you know – my firm conviction is that their inner and outer stories are very much the same. That’s not to say happy people are simple creatures. What I’m saying is that finding happiness – that “happily ever after” thing – is only possible if you live life authentically. Out loud, walk your talk, live your brand – pick your aphorism. To be happy, I firmly believe you must reveal, and live, your true self.

Now, I’m not recommending that you vomit out all your innermost thoughts at the next project team meeting. That’s a great way to live authentically unemployed. What I DO recommend is that you start listening to the voice in your head. Unless your shrink has given you medication to STOP the voices in your head, in which case…can I get you a glass of water? Listen to what you’re saying to yourself, and see if that might not be a source of much of your “stuff” – it’s “stuff” you’ve given yourself.

Think about the stories you’ve heard or read about people who’ve triumphed over adversity: escaping a childhood in a terrible neighborhood, surrounded by crime and drugs, to become a doctor; surviving horrific physical and emotional abuse to become an inspiring writer and speaker. For every person who has navigated past horror to success, there are countless others who did NOT make it past the bad stuff, who got stuck on the corner or who succumbed to despair.

What separates the successful from the also-rans? That internal story. They tell themselves a story that takes them where they want to go – out of the darkness, and into whatever light shines on “happy” for them.

So – what story are you telling yourself? Listen to it…and learn. And if it isn’t serving you, start telling yourself a story that does.

A highly cautionary tale is unfolding this week as Elliot Spitzer slowly turns on the roasting spit he shoved up his own glory-hole…by telling himself a story that he hid from the rest of the world. This was a BIG story, folks. Spitzer was called “Elliott Ness” for his prosecutorial zeal in going
after consumer fraud, Wall Street, the mob…and call-girl rings.

I’ve watched many people, over a number of decades now, who stridently spoke out of one side of their mouths while – thinking no one would ever notice – speaking silently to themselves a story that was in complete opposition to the story they were telling publicly.

Ladies and gentlemen…Larry Craig! Bill Clinton! Jim McGreevy! And now…Elliot Spitzer!

By the way, in the interest of fairness I did try to find a woman who had instigated a sex scandal – no soap. Must be the wiring.

Shakespeare said it in Hamlet. Twice.

[The lady] doth protest too much.

Hoist by his own petard.

Watch carefully those who rail against the actions of others – particularly if those rants include the word “moral”. In my experience, the ones shouting the loudest are almost always trying to drown out an inner voice…the one that’s telling on them.

Sorry, Elliot – I thought you had a stick up your a**. Now I know it was a barbeque spit.

That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it..   .

Stories from the Kitchen

By storytelling

I was highly entertained this week by the news that Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia (MSLO)> has eaten up – literally – Emeril Lagasse.

No, she didn’t go at him with a knife and fork. She did, however, buy his brand and image, adding a second personality – and story – with at least as much power as her own to her brand stable. She’s collected a number of satellites over the last few year, but Emeril is his own planet.

Love her or hate her (I’m not saying what camp I fall into, but if you’re good at reading between the lines, you might be able to guess), you have to give Martha a lot of credit for being pretty darn indefatigable. Not everyone would be able to bounce back from a very public smack-down that wound up smacking one into a federal pen.

Martha has had some rough patches since she got sprung, but her company found itself in the black again in 2007 for the first time since she wound up in the pen. Now, adding another big, bright, shiny planet to her universe could wind up putting her back into the raking-it-in column.

Provided, of course, she and Emeril blend well, story-wise.

What’s that? You say that since they’re both comfortable in the kitchen, they should get along like, well, two peas in cream sauce? If you cook, you know how dangerous it can be to share your kitchen with anyone, even your best friend. If you and your new BFF have strong personalities and equally strong stories, there can be souffles fallin’ all over the place.

You might end up with the most stellar dinner the world has ever seen…or it could all end in tears. And lawyers.

In my David & Goliath post earlier this week, I talked about how both sides of that equation need to know what story to tell to their market, and how important it is for both the big guys and the little guys to be consistent and authentic. In the Martha + Emeril story, this could prove a challenge.

Emeril and Martha both tell consistent stories. In a nutshell: “Kick it up a notch! Pig fat rules!” and “Mine is better.”

On the authenticity scale, I give Emeril more points than I do Martha, because her persona and story seem to be more calculatedly crafted. Emeril is no dope, and from the beginning of the rise of his empire he’s worked hard to appear both knowledgeable and approachable. Martha’s iron persona brooks no sweat, minimal exuberance, and very little passion.

I wonder if Martha will be foolish enough to try to manage or recast Emeril’s highly successful formula, or if she’ll be savvy enough to let him continue to tell his own story.

I don’t think Martha’s any kind of fool.

Another BMIK (big man in the kitchen), Anthony Bourdain, weighed in on this topic over at Michael Ruhlman’s blog the other day…and I guess the Food Network has waved a wand and made Ruhlman pull the post. Too bad, because it was one of the funniest – and most laceratingly truthful – stream of consciousness rants I’ve read in a long time.

Bourdain, who is not known for his lukewarm opinions, is no fan of Emeril’s. Or Martha’s. He did express concern for Mr. Lagasse in this equation, though.

So, stay tuned. To the Food Network. If you can stand it. If not, head on over to the Travel Channel for No Reservations. One of the best shows on television, at least in this writer’s humble opinion.

That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.

60 Second Storytelling

By storytelling

When you’re speaking to a group – of two or two hundred – can you hold their attention? With the average adult attention span at 5 to 7 minutes (and falling), this is a challenge.

image of human hand holding analog stopwatch
Photo by Veri Ivanova on Unsplash

Personally, I blame the microwave oven – until we stood in front of a countdown clock, waiting for food, who realized how long a minute really could be?

When you talk to your project team, or your board of directors, or a room full of potential customers, you need to be able to get your point across quickly.

You have an hour’s worth of material in your sales presentation? Present it it all in one go, and you’ll probably find out that your audience has embraced the idea that a nap during the day is a good idea. Or they’ll be checking email under the table after about ten minutes.

If you have a lot of information to share, you need to break it up into bite-sized chunks, with plenty of opportunities for interaction with your audience. After you’ve shared your first point, engage someone in the audience in a short exchange about what you just said. This makes your audience feel like active participants instead of passive listeners.

If you’re speaking to a large group – over a hundred – work some video into your presentation. A demo of your product, done by a real live human. Testimonials from customers. Input from a colleague who is a key player, but wasn’t able to be in the room with you. Keep these short, too.

Think of it as 60-second storytelling.

Even if you have a huge amount of information you want to share, you must make it easily digestible for your audience. Would you be able to absorb a solid hour of Power Point? I’d run screaming from the room after about ten minutes – or I’d want to. I doubt that’s the effect you’re going for with that hour-long progress report you’re preparing for your board.

Break your material down. What are the major points you’re trying to make? What’s the essential story behind each of them? And, most important, why does your audience care how that story turns out?

With those elements identified, turn each of your major points into 60-second stories, with interaction time between each of them for the audience to engage with you about the information you just shared.

You’ll notice two things with this approach: first, it will be easier for you to organize and deliver your message; second, your audience will be paying attention.

The 60-Second Storytelling approach will guarantee win-win for you, and for the people you present to. You’ll get your point across, and understood.

They’ll gain your knowledge…and think you’re a pretty terrific speaker.

Stand-up Storytelling

By storytelling

This post is not about stand-up comedy. I know this is a huge disappointment to those of you who know I spent over five years doing stand-up. Sorry, folks – this is about standing up and telling your story.

The particular storytelling opportunities I’m talking about here are networking events and organization meetings like Business Networking International (BNI) – those moments when you’re given the chance to stand up and tell a group what you do, or those places where you’re in a series of one-on-one or one-on-several conversations about you, your company, and your business value.

Do you have a set spiel? Something that you have down pat, that you can say backwards and forwards without thinking?

How sincere, how authentic do you think that sounds to your audience?

Canned Spam, anyone?

Or do you absolutely hate being the focus of attention, and wind up standing up but focused on your shoes, the table, the painting on the wall over there – anything to avoid making eye contact and actually reminding yourself that you’re speaking, in public, to an audience?

I feel your pain.

I’m an extrovert, and I do enjoy speaking, yet I only felt truly comfortable telling my story at these events after I knew what my story was. I’ve observed other people make that journey. In many cases, I helped them through it with presentation and story coaching. Once you get to that place of comfort, telling your story is organic – it comes easily, from the heart, and communicates clearly to whoever you’re talking to, be it a small group at a networking breakfast or, better yet, as the program speaker at that breakfast.

Stories are how we connect with each other, and with the world. This is true in business, in marriage, talking to your kids – or anybody’s kids. There isn’t any area of life where you won’t find stories necessary, and where you won’t, at some point, have to tell, and sell, your own. In the moment. Stand up storytelling.

The approach I’ve seen so many people use – the one I referred to above as pasteurized processed pork product – is to come up with a spiel you can easily remember and repeat, and then do just that. Lather, rinse, repeat. The issue you face if you do choose to tell your story that way is this: how can you communicate value without some element of passion?

You have to keep your story fresh, for yourself AND for your audiences. Canned won’t cut it. Look and listen carefully to what you’re saying when you talk about your business value, your products, your services.

If you don’t like what you’re hearing, if you’re struggling to figure out just what your story is…you know who to call.

That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.

Silly Season Storytelling

By politics, storytelling

We’re deep into the silly season – also known as the race for the White House – and the number of candidates has reduced itself from the two rugby teams of January to the ping-pong match vs. the old soldier of February.

What kind of stories are they telling? First and foremost, they’re all saying “vote for me!”, but they’re craftily crafting their messages to speak to the world-view of people who they think are most likely to vote for them.

The heated ping-pong match on the Democratic side of the fence is interesting to watch, because both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have to hit hard, yet also have to ensure that they don’t hit so hard that they alienate a piece of their base.

Obama has an advantage on the stump, in person, since he’s a better, more stirring speaker than Clinton. Clinton has always seemed to be speaking from behind a wall of “good girl” – the studious policy wonk who is now trying to connect with people’s hearts. She has, however, built a bit more credibility after serving a full term in the Senate and then managing to get re-elected.

Obama is positioning himself as the agent of change. That part of his story seems to be connecting most powerfully with younger voters, much of whose lives have been spent under the leadership of the Bush and Clinton families.  He’s also using his story effectively to connect with the parts of the Democratic Party that identify themselves as “We’re Not Republicans”. That tag will mobilize a small portion of Democrats, but not enough to win a presidential election. (John Kerry told that story in ’04 – that sure worked out well for him, didn’t it?)

The real power of Obama’s story is in his position as the first serious black candidate for President. His story, and his very multi-culti background, help him to connect with a wide array of people, and seem to resonate particularly with the under-30 voter. If he wins, that connection will be the tipping point.

The outsider story that Obama tells is in stark contrast to the “voice of experienced leadership” story that Clinton is telling. She’s got passionate support from the parts of the Democratic Party that feel like they’ve been wandering in the wilderness since the end of Bill Clinton’s second term. Bill Clinton has, at times, been a liability during her campaign, though – South Carolina springs to mind – and he’s carrying a lot of baggage. Who can look at him and not think of either cigars or Monica Lewinsky? At least for a moment?

Hillary also has not been able to mobilize all Democratic women on her behalf. She has a number of women supporters, yet she hasn’t seen the wholesale support that she likely expected when she started her run. This might be the lingering after-effects of her posture during the 1992 campaign, when she seemed to look down on cookie-baking. Her image has softened in the last decade, yet she’s still working to overcome some backlash from the mommy-track.

Obama and Clinton are duking it out, getting close to the gone-too-far line almost daily. Clinton is trying to paint Obama as a word-stealing poser, a man who can’t craft his own story without taking words out of the mouths of others. Obama threads his story with references to 20th century solutions to 21st century problems – a pointed smack at the occupants of the White House at the end of the last century.

On the Democratic side, my money’s on the fresher story – Obama has built considerable momentum, but the race for the nomination isn’t over yet. Next Tuesday’s primaries in Texas and Ohio will put a nail in the coffin of someone’s candidacy – stay tuned for how that story winds up.

On the Republican side, John McCain’s bus – straight talk or not – keeps rolling. McCain’s story connects strongly with moderate Republicans, and he’s morphed his story enough that he’s created buy-in with the conservatives that didn’t support him in 2000. His straight talk line is a bit played because of that story-morphing, but it’s worked well enough to knock off the early front-runner, Mitt Romney, and he now has the field with no real competition.

McCain can count on mobilizing the social conservatives, the Iraq hawks, Glenn Beck fans, and die-hard Republicans. Current poll stats show that McCain vs. Obama, Obama holds the advantage; McCain vs. Clinton, McCain is ahead. At least today. Of course, since the election isn’t until NOVEMBER…there’s still a lot of story to be told.

There are many banana peels littered across the political path (paging Ms. Lewinsky, there’s a party waiting for you in the cigar bar). And enough time left for many of them to be stepped on, by somebody. Stay tuned…

That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.

David & Goliath…and Storytelling

By storytelling

David and Goliath – the little guy vs. the behemoth. Every small electronics retailer looks at Best Buy and wishes for a good slingshot. Wal-Mart opens down the street, and even Food Lion can start to feel like a small player.

You’re a small business owner. Definitely a David. You believe you’ve uncovered and crafted your business’ best story. The one that you just know will have the world – or at least a stampede of customers – beating a path to your door. You weave it into all your marketing materials, your advertising, your web presence, and you’re using the core elements every time you get a chance to talk about your business.

Let’s say you’re a small IT services company. Do you have competition?

Does McDonald’s have hamburgers?

Not only do you have to compete against your marketplace’s Goliaths, but also against the host of Davids – small companies like your own. You also have to pay close attention to all the elements of the story you’re telling, and extremely close attention to the parts of your story being told by your customers.

It may seem that your story, and the story of every other “small IT services company” David in the known universe, would be the same, right? Wrong. Remember, this story about your company is really about you, your team, and your philosophy. Your story has to truthfully communicate to your potential customer a clear idea of what kind of experience they’ll have doing business with you.

What can they expect when they call your company? What approach do you take toward figuring out the best answers for your customers needs? Who’s doing the happy dance when your company’s name is mentioned? And…who ISN’T doing the happy dance? This last one is often overlooked, and it could be the rock to the forehead that takes your business down.

The same rules hold for mega-enterprise, too – just on a much larger scale. Managing customer expectations is just as critical to a Goliath as it is to you. Wal-Mart tells a story: every-day low prices. Microsoft tells a story: software for every possible use and user. Your story needs to communicate as clearly, and you need to pay even closer attention to customer feedback than the big dudes do. Your company might not end up having to monitor a site like walmartsucks.com, but if you don’t listen to and manage customer problems at their outset…well, I hear getting hit in the head with a rock really hurts. Can really put you out of action. Sometimes permanently.

One of the pitfalls of being a Goliath is that every David in the world is out there revving up his slingshot, just aching for a chance to let fly and take you down. However, David also needs to watch his back. Failing to tell a true story, not dealing immediately and fairly with customer problems, ignoring team morale issues – all of these are potential business-killers. There are plenty of stones out there, and plenty of slingshots in the hands of your competition.

Bottom line? Even if you think of yourself as a David, you have Goliath’s weaknesses if you’re not paying close attention to the whole story being told by your company.

That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.

Why Should Your Business Care About Storytelling?

By storytelling

I am often asked why I call myself a storyteller. It’s a good question, especially considering the number of people who also call themselves storytellers and operate in a vastly different arena than I do.

My preferred operating area, the place where I most want to communicate the value, the necessity, of good storytelling, is in business – particularly business-to-business enterprise. That’s where jargon and buzz-words rise and spread fastest, making authentic communication – what I call good storytelling – almost impossible.

It’s true that jargon can communicate, yet its use is, at heart, aimed at clearly marking lines between “us” and “them”. “We” get it, “they” don’t. Which is fine, unless “they” happen to be looking for what you’re offering, but can’t clearly understand what you’ve got because the jargon has fogged their windshield.

Another issue is that the word “storytelling” has almost become jargon itself – the jargon of the children’s library, the folk festival, the book fair. I cannot emphasize enough the value of the storytelling found in those venues, particularly for children, and for the propagation of the oral traditions of historically-ignored populations. Yet, when I call myself a storyteller, I can often see the eyes of my audience glaze over as they imagine me, oh, dancing a hornpipe or – just shoot me – demonstrating my skills as a mime.

I repeat – just shoot me.

Storytelling, in the business sense, is the authentic statement of your value in the marketplace. It’s not charts and graphs, it’s not a slide presentation – let me repeat that, it is not a slide presentation – it’s the language, spoken or written, that says why you’re the best at what you do.

All storytelling is theater – in the business form, if you’re talking to a couple of people at a networking event, it’s close magic; if you’re presenting at a sales meeting, it’s a one-act play; if you’re giving a workshop at a trade conference, it’s a mini-series.

One of the most central tenets of theater (storytelling) is – keep it fresh. Each performance has to be approached as a new game, every time. Which means that the cute speech you’ve memorized, the one that you blather out every time someone asks you some version of “what do you do?”, is hugely counterproductive if you truly want to connect, to communicate your business’ value.

Try this: what really fires you up about what you have to offer? What audiences (customers) do you want to tell that story to? Exploring the answers to those two questions can put you on the road to really engaging your customers, really attracting your market.

And if you need help uncovering the answers to those questions…you know who to call.

That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.